goodbye, love.

Posted on: July 19, 2010

yesterday, i’ve met with my old high school classmates, they are all beautiful beautiful people. so many people had called me by my real name, melai is just a nickname, keh. it felt a bit weird and somehow it sounded sweet and pretty. my real name is carmelle, (hindi melanie, as many of you think) similar to the candy made of cooked sugar and butter and milk… being able to hear it again though, i had some realizations and a decision…

but let me go on first with the story of how i got to those… it was lucky, i was able to see rio, together with his lovely girlfriend. i haven’t seen him for eight years. bully pa rin! he is leaving for the states today… being his madaldal self, he kept asking about how we are and what is going on in our lives. he is such a speaker, he would be able to charm everything out of you, lol. then it dawned on me, he was talking to me as carmelle … not melai, who is certainly different.

i realized then that i had lost my identity to the person that i have loved so dearly. everything that he liked, i would like too… even his little quirks. well, it can’t be helped, he is such a bright star twinkling in front of me. i guess i’ve drowned so much in his light, that i forgot that i had my own personality. it felt that if i lost him, then there was no point in me…

but now, this star is going away to a place i could not reach and i stand here crying. he’s leaving me behind, even though i’ve held onto him until the very end…  but then again, having someone throw away someone they love… is not love. making someone you love go away… is not love. and so,  even though it’s so painful that i feel as if my heart would explode, i am letting go…

to you, i know you’d be able to read this somehow… i just wish you wouldn’t lose someone precious to you too. when you left me behind, i was screaming i love you! but you can’t hear it, because i’m only yelling it inside my heart. i love you and always will but for now…

goodbye, love.

yun lang.

♥ melai


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hello, my name is melai and i write to document the places i’ve been to, the things i’ve seen, and the books i’ve read. sometimes, i also write about food.

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